The Great Lycra Debate

 When you think of lycra, you see fluro spandex, leotards and of course camel toes.You wouldn't be far wrong. Trouble with sports I partake in, is that baggie cotton trousers or flappy shorts hamper the progress of my session, whereas lycra skins fit snuggly to my body and I don't have to amble along hoisting them up when the elasticated waistband starts to slip or the drawstring needs re-tying - this is why the majority of my wardrobe is sportswear, largely of the lycra genre.

When I first started cycling, I had no idea of the apparel required for it, I remember my first ever road club ride, I rocked up in my running tights, and vest and being told that when I got out of the saddle, you could see through them and the hearts printed on my knickers. At that time I hadn't really had much intention of becoming a "cyclist"so didnt really think anymore of it.

As I started to ride more, my friend Lee suggested some proper cycling trousers.... "Meh" I thought, but he bought me a pair and when I looked at them, inside was a weird padded gusset! They looked so unattractive! He instructed me to ride in them, without knickers.... apparently the whole idea of the padded gusset was to 1) absorb sweat........! (Not that I sweat mind you, being a lady and all) and 2) prevent chaffing from knicker lines and such. So since then, I've acquired many pairs of padded garments.. shorts, tights, bibshorts, thermal, water proof and then I started mountain biking....

Well of course mountain biking requires baggy shorts, I'd seen the guys riding off road and they don't wear lycra. Only roadies and the serious MTB guys do - it compliments their smooth hair free legs. So I set off to buy some baggy shorts, the ones I chose looked cool, I went to try them on and inside was something else... a pair of lycra padded shorts... it turns out you need to wear lycra liners under the baggies. So why not just wear the lycra ones?

Because Mountain bikers don't wear lycra of course.

The more time I spend riding with my road club, the more lycra shorts I see, and the more I realise how lucky I am to have love for such a heavily male orientated sport. Baggy shorts may look cool but lycra is brilliant on blokes... firm thighs being displayed through varying colours of lycra shorts, (can you tell who's just been watching Tour de France? ) OK so there are some people who really *shouldn't* be seen in lycra, but if you've got it, show it off. I've since started riding off road in lycra - not because I look good in it you understand, cause I don't,  but I actually find it much easier to move around in, it doesn't catch on branches, OK so there aren't pockets but that's why I carry a camelbak off road.

My other quandary is that my baggy shorts have shrunk so I can't actually wear my lycra padded liners underneath anyway and since lycra stretches, even when they come out of the washing machine half a size smaller they stretch back over - also useful after a few beers or a big meal..... I've noticed it's the same sort of people who snub roadies are the same ones who snub lycra, can't we all live in a biking, lycra world of harmony?

I've noticed though more lately that lycra is appearing a bit more on the trails... more  of it would be welcome I say!

Go to hell Mother N.

Mother Nature I think you're a bit of a bitch,
40 mile an hour cross winds blowing me into a ditch.
I bet you're there snorting and chuckling,
Watching as my sense of humour is buckling.

Driving rain that pushes me off course,
Shouting profanities until I am hoarse.
Seriously now I'm starting to unhinge,
My wet shorts are chaffing and I'm getting a sore minge.

The draft from passing lorries sends me a flying,
If I said I enjoyed it I'd surely be lying.
I'm sick to the teeth with getting oily mits,
Splashback from cars are getting on my tits.

Greasy roads and a howling gale,
An arse this size, it acts like a sail.
Throwing me into the middle of the road,
The whistling wind I can hear you goad.

Surely from a winter of riding home every night,
Minus fourteen and layered up looking a fright.
Hi Viz isn't really a very good look,
For a lesbian builder I was often mistook.

Come on you cunt, it's time for some payback,
Can't you just cut me a little bit of slack?
I'm not one to complain but I just want some sun,
So I can play on my bike and have lots of fun.

I'm ready with my shorts and factor thirty,
It's time to stop playing so damn dirty.
Stick the rain and wind where the sun don't shine,
and take heed of the angst in my shitty rhyme.

Driving me Crazy.....

As a cyclist, I utilise the roads a lot. I have a driving license yet no car anymore so I know the rules of the roads, as a child I did my cycling proficiency and have a little bit of common sense about me, so I feel pretty confident riding on busy roads.

However, there are many, many road users who don’t seem to know the rules of the roads, or they know them but think they don’t apply, or don’t think that cyclists should be allowed on the roads as they “don’t pay road tax” – most the cyclists I know also own cars, so they will also be paying road tax I’ll have them know.

I’ve been knocked off my bike twice seriously by vehicles and almost daily I have near misses with drivers who just aren’t paying attention and fail to have any awareness at how vulnerable cyclists are on the roads.

Cycle Paths:  Those pavements which have a white line up them, with a man walking on one side and a bike on the other – you can tell me to use them until you’re blue in the face, I won’t be riding my road bike up them. It might as well be a police incident marking spray painted on the road to show where someone got mugged and stabbed for their 15 year old Raleigh shopper.

They are for Hybrids, and little old ladies with baskets on the front of their bikes – I won’t be taking my slick tired road bike on them, where they are likely to get stabbed with a used hypodermic needle or glass from a shattered Bacardi Breezer bottle. Where you can reach a whopping speed of 13mph before getting to a metal barrier you have to weave through, bashing your knee caps to pass the next graffiti’d play area.

Worse still are the cycle lanes, which invariably have a curb either side, just small enough that the road sweeper can’t get up it to clear out the hubcaps and broken wing mirrors that have collected there, and the windswept gravel and dirt that is gathered in a mound next to the curb.

This is why you’ll find me cycling on the roads, seeing how fast I can go, trying my best not to ride into pot holes. Practicing track stands at red stop lights, generally looking as cool as I can. So please don’t spoil it for me.

If you ride too close, beep at me for riding two abreast, yell at me, expect me to give you the V sign or shout obscenities at you. Pull out on me at a roundabout, and I’ll curse at you bad enough to make my mother wash my mouth at with Ajax if she were to overhear.

I’ve ridden in France and the attitude towards cyclists over there is polar opposite to that of the UK. The only beeping you hear is from a driver letting you know he’s behind you, waiting patiently at a safe distance for you to clear the top of a climb before he casually overtakes, waving his baguette out the window, pedestrians shouting “Allez! Allez! Allez!” as you climb a steep incline past them having a morning coffee, the smooth fast rolling roads without potholes waiting to spit you over the handlebars or plough the saddle into your groin.

Give us Room!

How is it that some drivers think that an inch is enough space to leave when overtaking me? I’ve got quite a fat arse, so it’s not as though I’m hard to spot, maybe it’s because I’m hard to  get round? In any case, look at the highway code, I am entitled to ride two abreast on certain roads if I wish to – so please don’t think beeping, waving and shouting will stop me doing this, and so you know – I can’t actually hear what you’re yelling through glass.

Cross winds can and do blow me across the road, so if you’re too close, you will squash me. (it’s probably my massive arse acting like a sail in the wind.) I do not corner well, so please be aware that on occasion I can be found in the centre of a road on a hairpin bend.

When I’m climbing a 20% gradient, and I’m meandering across the road – it’s not my chosen technique, but it’s sometimes the only way to defy gravity and turn the cranks over, is it so bad to wait a few minutes for to haul myself over the brow? It must be entertaining for you anyway to witness such a spectacle, so suck it up.

I will now and then draw the girl card in order to get past white vans or smile sweetly at lorry drivers – this is my prerogative as a woman. In return they get to look at my arse slide by in its colossal lycra glory.  

I have a rule now, for each mile I travel in a car, I have to offset it with a bike mile. (I probably well exceed this given the infrequency of my driving) give it a go.

I challenge all drivers to swap your car for a bike as often as possible, help save the planet and gain more awareness for the eco warriors of today. Sit in your stuffy cars in traffic, getting more and more stroppy, shout at me all you like, I’m too high on endorphins to give a fuck.

Bike Fits and Sore Bits

The best piece of advice I have ever been given was this:

“The best place to spend money is on the things which you sit on; your shorts and your saddle”

Until you’ve ridden a long way in shorts which don’t sit right, you won’t know what I’m talking about. Cycling shorts, you see have a strategically placed piece of padding (a chamois). Don’t be riding a bike in denim jeans with those unforgiving seams, or your running shorts unless you want lacerated lady bits. You can get away with it on short rides, no fear – if you want to go to the pub in your Daisy Dukes, go for it, just don’t go on a long or hard training ride and for God’s sake, don’t go out in the rain in them!

To be honest I’ve never suffered terribly with saddle soreness, the odd day of rubbage after spending hours in the saddle, or during a 4 day ride to Paris, which is bound to smart a little.  I’ve heard some horrific stories of people with weeping open sores. My top tip – Sudocream. Don’t waste money on expensive chamois creams, Sudocream is designed specifically for nappy rash, which is essentially what saddle sore is right? Before/during/after. Soft as a baby’s bum.

Invest in a pair of good quality cycling shorts/tights and prevent your lady garden ending up like a warzone.

The other thing to spend time getting right is your saddle, which brings me to my latest anecdote.

A few weeks back I arranged a bike fit with my local tri shop, I have a good relationship with them luckily. I had been having problems getting down onto the drops on my road bike, and had suspected maybe I needed a longer stem. I decided to get a professional opinion on my whole set up. The result was a new longer stem, a slightly raised seat, being told to ride with me heels down, and also being told that my (fairly new and expensive) bike was a little on the small side for me. Alas a new longer stem helped massively, and my new instruction on riding position gave me a touch more power.

I went away, but the following week my left knee was a tad sore – I’d forgotten to mention this the week prior, so the bike shop owner checked out my cleat position on my shoes, and adjusted it slightly. He looked at me ride on the turbo from the front and noted that I drop my right shoulder, I concurred, “I’ve always done that, I think it’s where I lean slightly on my saddle to avoid rubbing”

He told me that wasn’t ideal, whereby I was then forced to tell him the real reason why I lean slightly – a piercing no less. After the embarrassed sniggering passed (mine) I was chided for not telling him this the week prior. “How can we help if we only know half the story?”

So we discussed different saddle options, and it seemed logical that the best type for me would be the type with a hole in the centre. So I left my saddle as collateral and went home that evening with a really ugly blue demo saddle to try out for a few days.

After a club ride the next evening, and consequently a sore under carriage, I put on my spare saddle which seemed much better than even the saddle I’d been using for the last year (albeit not perfect) I took back the demo saddle and said I hadn’t got on with it, he seemed surprised and looking at it’s geometry, it looked fairly wide even for my child bearing womanly hips.

There were other saddles I could try but the next one he suggested was out on demo at the moment, and if I’m honest, was the ugliest saddle I ever did see. I said that I was expecting a “Thunderbolt” effect when I finally found the saddle I got on with. I thought deep down this wasn’t going to happen, but still I wasn’t prepared to part with any more money until I found something that stopped me leaning. I joked that maybe I’d just get the pliers out and solve all the issues that way.

So since then, I’ve been riding my own, comfortable 90% of the time, continuing to pitch slightly to the right to avoid chaffing.

I had been discussing the scenario with a friend I train with, who said I could try out one of his he wasn’t using, so I said yes please. Got to keep trying right?

So this morning I put on his saddle and the most unexpected thing occurred:

THUNDERBOLT!

Wow, I could sit straight on the saddle and not feel any discomfort, I’d been riding as I have for such a long time I had forgotten how it was to ride “properly”  I rode over some rumble strips seated to test it out (I normally lift off the seat to avoid wincing) and nothing but a  smooth comfy ride.

The saddle is similar design to the one I demo’s but flatter and more narrow and seems to suit my...erm...shape better. So I can forget about the pliers now and keep my ironmongery and hopefully continue my cycling habit saddle sore free!

Mountain Biking Vs Road Biking (Revision 2)

Since taking up mountain biking last summer (I use the words "taking up" loosely) I’ve noticed a clear distinction between Road biking and Mountain Biking. I sit in both camps, I love them both, I love road biking in the summer on a hot summer's day, and Mountain biking in the cold, dark and lonely winter months. 

I don't claim to be good at either, I enjoy them both, I'm selfish - I do them for myself, not for anyone else. Don't get huffy if I turn down an offer of a ride, I don't always want to train with other people, I sometimes like to go out riding with the person I love the most - Me.

If I ask your opinion or help on something, I expect you to give me it honestly, I will accept critism humbly (on most occasions) and take on board what you're saying; if I don't ask for it, don't give me it. Simple. (I'm like that)

There are however a few things which irritate me about both camps..... I don’t like the MTB’ers who irrationally hate roadies and I don’t like roadies who irrationally hate MTB’ers - I’m a lover not a fighter. Below is basically a list of observations, learnings and ponderings I wanted to share. I may endeavour to continue with my list as my journey through both camps continues. But here is what I’ve surmised so far.

Don't turn up on your road bike wearing a Camelbak, particularly  to road club, you'll get called a fucking twat. On a MTB if you fail to wear a Camelbak you're likely to find yourself fucked, on a hillside, sans water, cyphening your own piss (ok this might be a bit drastic but you know what I'm getting at)

If you go out for the day on a MTB and average 5mph, you’ve had a fucking hard ride. If you average less than 18mph on a road bike, you might as well have stayed in bed.

MTB makes you look cool – even falling off. There’s nothing less cool than a roadie falling off.

Getting overtaken by a MTB’er on the road is the most shameful experience for a roadie; overtaking a roadie on a MTB is the most satisfying experience ever. (When MTB'er passes said roadie, it is important not to be coughing up a lung, saunter past looking cool and like it's no effort - when  safely out of view you can then vomit if necessary)

Unless you’re a chick, you will get laughed off the trails wearing lycra. There is no escaping this. However, chicks dig hot MTB'ers in lycra.

Chances are the guys you go road biking with will have smoother legs than you. However, they can recommend the best hair removal treatment. I've spent many a ride listening to blokes chat about the pro's and cons of veet.

There are far less cars on the trails.

The dirtier you get your best MTB on a ride, the more you feel you’ve accomplished. You hate taking your best road bike out in anything less than clear, hot dry conditions.

Roadies stop for Tea, MTB’ers stop for a pint.

On a road bike, you point at pot holes and grit, on a MTB you ride at it.

MTB’ers measure in Kilometers because it sounds like you’ve gone further

It’s not unusual to go out MTBing and get several punctures, fall off at least twice, buckle a wheel and snap a chain. It just makes for better banter in the pub. On a road bike, you’d ring for a lift home after the 2nd puncture.

All mountain bikers are crap – no matter who you are, there’s always someone better, faster, more skilled, more ballsy. All roadies are brilliant. There's no escaping this fact.

The more money you spend on a bike, the less bike you get. (This isn't exclusive to road bikes)

No matter which camp you’re in, there’s always folk with all the kit who don't know shit. They’re usually the ones wearing generic pro team tops – a mate of mine calls them “Freds”

Whether you’re a roadie or a MTB’er the formula for the bikes you need is x=n+1 (n being the number of bikes you already have, x being the number of bikes you "need" )

If you get dropped on a climb on the road, you can say goodbye to the peloton. Off road, anything can happen.

Spending 5 hours riding in the rain on a MTB is the best thing you can do on a wet weekend, if you do this on a road bike, you’ll complain about it all weekend.

In work on a Monday you'll tell your colleagues what a great time you had in the rain for 5 hours at Afan followed by 2 hours in the pub - or complain that you spent 5 hours in the rain followed by 2 hours cleaning and drying  your road bike by hand.

In 5 hours on a road bike, you can get to Wales and back, 5 hours on a MTB you'll be lucky to get to wantage and back.

In both camps you’ll get elitist tossers who think they know best, and they’re both snobby about each other.

Roadies are pretty accepting of MTB’ers, but MTB’ers will try and suck the Road loving soul out of you.

Rarely will you come back from road ride thinking "fuck, that could've killed me" - unless it involves cars - which I know all about!

You half expect your MTB to get damaged out on a ride, it breaks your heart a little when you chip your paintwork of your shiny carbon roadbike.

Stop spending money on saving a kilo on your kit - lose a couple of kilo's off your ass - it's far cheaper.

Take spares. Unless you have domestiques on hand (like I do) ;-)

MTB'ers and Roadies will both take holidays to The Alps, roadies will be going for the climbs, MTB'ers for the descents.

Girls, learn how to do your own bike maintenance - not only is it cool, to whip out your own chain breaker, it's satisfying as hell diagnosing other people bike breakdowns. This isn't a "Girl Power" thing either, it's "coolness" thing. There is a quota for the damsel in distress act - use it wisely.

If you are going to draft the entire ride, expect me to take the piss out of you for not pulling your weight and getting towed by a girl all day.

I am a "Cyclist".....

There. I said it.

I

Am

A
Cyclist

I've ridden a bike since I was a kid, but the last few years, I've ridden a bike a lot more than I've walked places I think.

Prior to now, I've always considered myself a "runner", even when I've been training for bike specific or multi sport events, "I'm Anna B - I am a runner"

Looking back over the last two years, how many events have I done? Possible 20 - 30? How many of them have been solely run races? One. That's how many - and it was that insignificant I've not even got round to writing a report on it yet (It was 3 months ago in case you wondered)

I joined cycling clubs to progress as a duathlete/triathlete - for no other reason than that; it's an aside to being a runner you see... cross training I called it.

In the last 3 years I've gone through several bikes....

1) My trusty Raleigh Max - I got this aged 15, and it was a super cool red mountain bike with bar ends (this is all I needed to know about it) I still own it but it's on loan to a friend now.
Now I can tell you this is a 21 speed shimano rigid aluminium frame mountain bike, with v brakes and twist shifters.

2) "Claude" - My first road bike (there's a story in here too but I'm saving this for my book should I ever finish it - queen of procrastination) a Claude Butler "Criterium" - it was a black, red and white "racer"

3) "Claude Mk2"-  My 2nd road bike - 3 days after Claude Butler 1 was written off, a replacement was made.
Now I can tell you this was a 14 speed shimano aluminium frame with drop handlebars, and steel forks.

4) "Pete's Blue Bike"  - This wasn't strictly mine, it was a loan from a kind man from road club (generous of him to lend me his spare bike, considering I wasn't even a cyclist); he told me Claude wasn't good enough to race on you see.... apparently I was going to "Time Trial" - whatever that was! So this bike was a beautiful blue Massi that went like a rocket!

By now, I was commuting everyday to work - it was cheaper than driving you see and the endorphins were pretty cool to get to work on too...During the days of the Massi, Claude grew dusty and neglected and eventually found his way on to the turbo trainer (which was weird of me to have since I'm was runner)

5) "B"  Introducing Carbon...... I'd now begun to learn a bit about bikes, it's easy to pick up bits and bobs when you're out riding with those cycling types. The company I work for introduced the Cycle to work Scheme, which allowed you to spend up to £1000 on a bike/safety equipment and pay it off over 12 months tax free. Which to me, was a no brainer, I could get a bike better than the Massi and pay it off at a manageable rate.
So I went to my local bike shop and soon found myself the proud owner of the most beautiful bike I'd ever set eyes on, an aluminium carbon Bianchi Nirone.

6)  "The Bianchott" - A friend very kindly gave me a Scott bike after the demise of "B" during another RTA, the set up was Shimano and I didnt' much like it, so a friend helped me to dismantle what remained of B and the Scott and we put B's parts on the Scott making a super Scott - I also learnt a lot about bike maintenance that day.

7) "Willy" - Full carbon ahoy! The next bike was a product of a the sad day mentioned above; an insurance claim + some savings ensured an upgrade to a full carbon (almost as beautiful) Wilier, Mortirolo
Campagnola Veloce brakes and cassette, full carbon frame and forks.
I still remember that first ride on her, I put my foot down on the pedal and the acceleration was like nothing I'd ever experienced! WOW!

8) "The Black Pony" - So I had these road bikes, which I converted to triathlon positions when I raced and I knew that after doing the Ironman event I would need a healthy activity to keep me going, a friend said they had a mountain bike going for sale - I had a look, it looked "fine" it had suspension. I wasn't really sure what that meant being a runner and only riding road bikes now, but it must be good because the red raleigh max didn't have that.
21 speed shimano, 100mm travel suntour forks, disc brakes,
oh the disc brakes!!! You could stop in an instant!

Sold. To the girl with no idea.

9) "La Lapierre" - Cycle to work scheme came around again and it seemed silly to turn down another great offer, so since I was enjoying a bit of  off roading I decided to upgrade my mountain bike with a new one. I didn't know much about mountain bikes, I wanted a pretty one I guess.....
Alloy Hardtail; Suntour100mm forks with lockout, 27 speed shimano deore, hydraulic brakes

10) "My Big Bouncy One" - not satisfied with 3 bikes getting regular use, there was something missing from the collection. I was having great fun on the trails with the Hard Tail, but what better way to enjoy rocky descents than on a Full Suspension Mountain bike! After Demo'ing one I had half decided on my friend dropped it round and we set up the rebound and pressure on the shocks - but wait, there wasn't just front forks, there was rear suspension too!
Aluminium125mm travel fox forks, 5 inch fox floats, Shimano 30 speed SLX, Elixir brakes. (and my favourite bits, it had blue cables and finishing touches)

I *only* have the 4 bikes in my possession now, it should be known (plus a unicycle and the raleigh out on loan) but last night on tidying my flat, I discovered that I own more cycling kit than most anything else. 3 pairs of cycling shoes, spare wheels, spare tyres, inner tubes, tool kits, 3 spare sets of pedals, brake cables,  helmets, drawers filled with cycling clothing, lights, tri bars, waterproofs, food cabinets containing sports nutrition, drinks cages, bottles, saddles, pumps

• I have one pair of running shoes.
• I have cycled over 1000 miles in the last month
• I have spent 24 hours on my bike this week
• I spend more time talking, thinking about bikes than anything else
• I've been choosing road club on a Wednesday instead of Running club
• I use cream on my arse more than on my face.
• I don't go anywhere without my bike bottle
• I have cycling short tan lines
• I think nothing of having helmet hair
• In my handbag the other day I pulled out a pedal spanner and a multi tool
• My holiday this year is a 4 day bike race in France

My Name is Anna and I am a cyclist.