Go to hell Mother N.

Mother Nature I think you're a bit of a bitch,
40 mile an hour cross winds blowing me into a ditch.
I bet you're there snorting and chuckling,
Watching as my sense of humour is buckling.

Driving rain that pushes me off course,
Shouting profanities until I am hoarse.
Seriously now I'm starting to unhinge,
My wet shorts are chaffing and I'm getting a sore minge.

The draft from passing lorries sends me a flying,
If I said I enjoyed it I'd surely be lying.
I'm sick to the teeth with getting oily mits,
Splashback from cars are getting on my tits.

Greasy roads and a howling gale,
An arse this size, it acts like a sail.
Throwing me into the middle of the road,
The whistling wind I can hear you goad.

Surely from a winter of riding home every night,
Minus fourteen and layered up looking a fright.
Hi Viz isn't really a very good look,
For a lesbian builder I was often mistook.

Come on you cunt, it's time for some payback,
Can't you just cut me a little bit of slack?
I'm not one to complain but I just want some sun,
So I can play on my bike and have lots of fun.

I'm ready with my shorts and factor thirty,
It's time to stop playing so damn dirty.
Stick the rain and wind where the sun don't shine,
and take heed of the angst in my shitty rhyme.